Retrictions

Hi everyone,

Shame on me! I didn't wrote for such a long time!
Anyway, I am writing now, and I just decided that I want to talk to you about; loosing weight and eating patterns. This are two things I'm thinking about very much, or you can better say: I'm obsessed.
Don't worry, I don't have anorexia (at all) and besides; there are a lot of girls who are as obsessed as I am or (unfortunately) worse. But okay, to return to my point: I think that I am partly obsessed with weight and (especially) eating (patterns) because I am a very healthy girl. I can almost hear you think: right, but let me explain what I mean by healthy girl. With 'healthy' I mean free of well known addictions; I don't smoke, I don't drink, I am a vegetarian, and I eat a lot of vegatables, corns, fruit, and less sugar and chemical products. Yes, sounds good, I agree, but the last part, the eating part is very present in my head. What I mean is that I can't stop thinking about what I eat and I can't stop 'wanting to eat'. I have to restrict myself all the day, I want to eat every moment, but I wont allow myself to do that, I allow myself only one (sugar free)cookie or candy a day and not more than 3 meals a day. But I hate it that I can't stop thinking about eating, about healthy as well as unhealthy food. I hate the feeling that I have to restrict myself all the time, not only if it goes about food, I'm not allowing myself plenty other things, Like having fun before all my homework (and I mean: all of it!) is done or talking to nice people, because I thik they have a better time when I'm not arround. You can say I'm very much in control.
I am working on it, trying to leave the control-thing and let myself go. But is very hard to do, it may sound weird, but it is very hard to have senseless pleasure and let my thoughts not interrupt my 'light' state of mind. I have to keep in practise, luckily I got people who are helping and supporting me, it's easier when they're arround.

Lots Of Love Luke